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We’ve all had the pity-party after someone we loved hurt us. But when we do it publicly, it ain’t pretty. It’s just pretty sad.
When a relationship doesn’t work out, it doesn’t mean you should, to quote a young woman I counselled this week, “Put myself back in a box for a couple years.”
Forgive me, but this just rolled out of my mouth. “You’ll go in a box when you’re dead. Why would you waste time in one while you’re still alive?” Bad me. But I’ve been there.
Boo, hoo. Poor you.
Emotional safety is a myth. We are alive to LIVE. That means getting out of the house (your box) and doing things that put you out in the world, among a variety of people having different experiences. Some only for the moment. Others may last a lifetime.
Taking a chance on love is a leap of faith. But if you understand the law of attraction where “like attracts like” you’ll see that you will most often attract a partner or friend of similar neuroses. Misery loves company. If you are a hot mess, you’ll attract people to you with their own baggage. If you are embroiled in lots of drama, you’ll draw other players wrapped up in their own theatrics.
Relationships begin with you. If your relationships aren’t working, begin by looking at yourself first. A little honest self-examination can save you a lot of agony.
What about me is drawing ______ (kind of person) into my life?
Even better, What about that person is me? (Hint: It is usually the part you dislike.)
This is not an easy task. You must be honest with yourself about what kind of emotionally charged energy you put out into the world. Are you angry and confrontational? Are you shy and submissive? Are you kickass aggressive? Are you pretending to be tough to deflect bullies? Are you a people-pleaser always “goes along to get along”? Are you The Walking Wounded?
What part of yourself are you compromising by not speaking up for yourself? Not asking for what you really want? Or what part of you says too much and still doesn’t get your way?
Walking around telling the world how he/she done you wrong – that you might as well “go back in your box” – could get you a little sympathy, but wear those clothes too long and you’ll look like a walking yard sale. Everyone will see you coming, want to avoid you, and pity you because you just don’t see yourself.
Clean out your own closet before rearranging someone else’s.