Get Out of Your Own Way

Image result for images of toddlers being scolded

The world and its occupants are loaded down with rules, expectations, judgments, accusations, and speculations – all about you. From the moment you take your first breath, someone is telling you how you are, what you should think, feel, and do. As babies, we need someone to show us the basics, but once we develop our own minds, we love to “do it ourselves.” That’s natural.

From the moment you take your first breath, someone is telling you how you are, what you should think, feel, and do. As babies, we need someone to show us the basics, but once we develop our own minds, we love to “do it ourselves.” That’s natural. Just look at nature for confirmation.

People don’t stop imposing their attitudes, beliefs, and opinions on us once we are thinking for ourselves. Humans have grown into complex creatures that feel compelled to articulate the “why” of everything. And we think this makes us intelligent.

Oh, contra ire.

The more you listen to everyone else instead of your own feelings, the farther away from yourself you travel.

No one can fully escape someone telling them “no.”

“No. You can’t do that.”

“No. You shouldn’t think (feel or believe) that.”

“No. You are wrong.”

“No. You are not ___________enough.” Fill in the blank. (smart, talented, skinny, brave, rich, pretty, connected, educated or strong)

You hear any of that often, eventually it soaks into you like an ink stain. Your subconscious mind replays those negative ideas constantly. Even though your conscious mind is telling you not to listen, not to believe, and that you should know better. Because you do!

But whenever you are complimented, you brush it off and reject the positive input. Any skull session that promotes creativity and chasing dreams has you snuffing them out with all the reasons “why not” instead of planning the pathway toward our goals.

We stamp out our dreams like a boot extinguishing a cigarette.

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What can we do?

Wish on a star? A birthday candle? Wait for a hero to rescue us from ourselves?

How can you undo years of mental programming and record new, positive, self-affirming “Yes!” data?

Be aware of your thoughts and re-word them, one thought at a time. Be diligent! Any time you get down on yourself or hear yourself rebuffing a compliment, STOP! Imagine a seeing a stop sign and then mentally talk to yourself as you would someone you love.

Squirming yet? Yes, it is very uncomfortable because you are accustomed to accepting the worst for yourself.  Accepting the best takes practice and reward.

When you treat yourself, you never chose the smallest brownie or just one piece of chocolate. So why do you do that in other areas?

If you feel as if you “don’t deserve” good stuff, you’ve been lied to. Oh, yeah. Again and again, you’ve been fed big, fat, hairy lies by people who had also been raised on a diet of the same or are purposely trying to hold you back and keep you down.

You were born knowing better but changed when the rest of the world got a hold of you.

Instead of asking yourself what you think about it, ask: How do I feel about it? Use your heart center instead of your intellect.

How do you feel about it?

You know when you feel good and bad. Any time you get down on yourself with all the reasons why not, stop. Remind yourself that all those reasons came from others. Then ask yourself: How do I feel about it?

Use your heart instead of your head. How does it feel? It’s smarter than you think.

Day in the life

Right-Minded Resolutions

Not the same

Starting your list already? Oh, how wonderful the new you will be.

Before you set a lot of good intentions that you might fall on in the first month of the new year, you may want to rethink a few. Thinking is the key to any resolution. Going into changes with “right mind” is the surest way to achieve them.

Weight is a whopper. The diet plan ads roll out the moment you put the fork on the plate of your holiday feast.  Every year that I set a weight loss goal, I wouldn’t reach it. I’d get a third of the way and get sick.  Probably because how I thought I was going to do it was not the proper way for my body.  My thinking was wrong. My head would always be thinking about what I couldn’t have, how bad I felt, what I was being denied instead of the good that might come of the change.

Resolutions aren’t all about “the doing” of the action. They begin with the thoughts required to produce the right action. If you get your mind right first, the action becomes secondary.

You’ve heard the old saying, “You can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it.”

No one mentions where your mind has to be – positive, constructive, and reassuring. Thoughts that are negative and critical will only derail you.

And will you get what you expected from the doing of it?

Figure out the reasons why you want to accomplish something. What will it do for you? Why? Then ask the honest question: Is this true? Will accomplishing this goal give me all that I think it will?

No goal that I ever achieved provided me with the benefits I expected.  Sometimes I would gain totally different gifts. Others I was left disappointed because my expectations were too high.

Think simply. What small action can I do today to get one step closer to my goal, and make me feel good for having done it? And have this thought every day.

Figure out the stepping stones and if you are willing to put the time into master each one (doing the time) while thinking about the progress – not the outcome. We all like the fastest, most direct path to anything. But skipping steps can make for a sloppy result, leaving egg on your face, and regret down the road.

Be honest with yourself about what you want to change in your life, and if the actions you plan will give you what you want.  Take time to think through your resolution list and include the stepping stones to attainment. Do you want to lose weight to look more attractive or to gain self-esteem? Because there other actions that can provide you with both of those things. Do you need to lose weight because your doctor said you had to? Then you need mentally tackle challenge number one: Getting past being told you have to.

Your thoughts become physical things that create feelings. The more “right feelings” you have, the more of a tailwind you’ll catch to take you there.

Energy flows where your thoughts go. If your thoughts go to the Dark Side, so will your outcome.